Monday, May 10, 2010

After Physics exam today, I officially feel that summer is approaching. =]

I promise there will be nothing more about the exams in this post. But it's all just gonna be some random stuff. (If you don't want to read about all the things I've got to do plz skip the next paragraph.)

So this past weekend I just realized how much fun this summer is gonna be. (Although I knew what I was gonna do anyway from a long time ago, but surprisingly, the idea of having a good time over the summer just stroke me on a Sunday morning when I was cramming Physics. Hehe. I'm weird.) I'll go to Seattle to visit my brother and his awesome girlfriend (I love her =]]); then I'll be NOT in greenville for the entire July because first I'll go visit the Ivy Leagues + work/volunteer/be at this cancer research center in Boston, then I'll go to GMIF again for speech and debate (plus I'm staying to extension this year :DDD); and then after all of this craziness + awesomeness, I'll be at SHS and help the speech and debate novices for the rest of the summer. =]] Another thing that I won't leave out is that I WILL HANG W/ MAH BUDZ. :PP I love them!! I'm pretty sure I'll go to movies (lol although there isn't a lot of good ones coming out I think). And some non-azn ppl (intense racism right here! jk) will come over and eat chinese food. Plus, I will get to hang with some other cool people that I usually don't get to hang with ;)). :PP My life will be complete after this summer!

Alright. If you are interested in my opinion about things so here we go.

For seniors trip next year, I think we all should go to Harry Potter theme park. :DDD And I will NOT miss the Harry Potter 7 Part II premiere...I F$%^$%^ SWEAR!!

So I ran for chair again this year but I didn't win again. Well I mean turned out I didn't want it as bad as last year. (There, again, it's weird.) I think I have the right approach to my failure now although I really don't consider it a fail. (I'm not trying to cover up like..."how sad I am right now" or "well i should've gotten elected instead of that SOB/bitch [lmao have to do the slash thing because there are both guys/gurls running hahahahhaha]" for not getting elected. Because I am truly not sad and unhappy! I will state my thoughts below. I just want to share some thoughts of mine and please feel free to comment if you have any opinion about this.) and now when I think about it, I really want to say that I actually didn't really want the position. I'm glad the people who ran against me got elected because they really wanted it. When I think about it, my reason behind all this can be summarized in two points: I don't think I am "ready" and there are many more people who can do better at this than me.

To say that I wasn't "ready", first of all I think me as a foreigner who doesn't speak English as well as most of the other members cannot possibly help others that much in public speaking. I mean really. When I tried to help others in the past year as a varsity member, I felt that I wasn't able to help as much. Just imagine, you need to help someone who speaks Chinese with their Chinese! :P It's hard and I feel bad for myself when I can't help. Especially if I were an officer, I would feel worse. Because as an officer, you are obligated to help others even when sometimes you don't feel like doing so....and that happens to me a lot! To be honest, I didn't think I worked very hard in the past year comparing to some friends of mine. I never practiced before the day before the tournament. I think it's because that I had this mindset of doing well since I went to camp. And when I say I'm gonna edit my oratory, I actually don't do it. To tell you the truth, I never did in the past year. I am someone who regret many things but then don't regret it after a while. I would say I should've practiced more so I would do better! But then after a while, I just go...screw practice, I am too lazy. I acknowledge my laziness and I always don't feel like changing this. It's really sad isn't it? (Btw, if priya/steph is reading, I SWEAR I WILL DO MY COLLEGE APP OVER THE SUMMER!!!) So I don't think I would be the right person to do this anyway. I do things according to my feeling. I don't do it when I don't like it. So now I think I will be able to actually help more as a free varsity member than a team officer. =]

Secondly, there are more people that want this more than I do. Many of them are very well qualified. I mean, you don't have to be a super good forensicator to be an officer. But you have to have the time and the nerves to be one. I don't think I will be able to spend a lot of time on this next year. (Although I will try my best to attend all tournaments and PRACTICE before them.) But I don't think I will have a lot of time to do what extra work an officer needs to do. Again, I am 'foreign' (lol love this word) and I have to spend more time on anything - either reading biology, working on college app, memorizing psych, or studying for the SAT. I say that I can't be Gary Fan and overwork myself. But I am happy with the gifts I was born with so I don't have to live a hard life just because of not being able to understand the language. I can say that I'm pretty good at languages but not good ENOUGH. Many other people are. Plus if this was happening in China, I would feel mentally unbalanced if someone foreign got elected as an officer. >.> In the end, all the officers are good for the team, not their college app (I hope this is how they think about it). If I can't do it, I won't do it. Now I regret turning in my application for an officer...>.<

Last thing for this forensics business: I am really really REALLY happy that my friends got elected. :)

Third thing I want to talk about is about people. I am loving my friends more and more. High school friends are truly friends FOR LIFE! I believe I will still remember all these people after like...30 years. So Steph don't feel surprised if I randomly show up at your future house with my future husband and children. :P (creeper!) But I just want to say I LOVE all these people. I would kiss every single one of them when I graduate (if people don't think I'm homo). LOVE LOVE LOVE. Oh, I love you boys too! :D ;) I personally think boys are extremely fun to talk to. It's so FUN to like...talk to someone who you don't know what kind of answer they are gonna give you to your question. It's like talking to a different kind of people. Haha. I love everyone who can be truthful to me and fun. =]] To me, although there aren't a lot of people that I would count as "friends", but one standard of being a "friend" is that we can share things that other people don't know about us (or...secrets lol). However although I don't think anyone hates me, but there are people that know me more than others. I love everyone who is nice to me. But to be a true "friend", I think you have to do something more significant for them. And I still feel sorry for the people that I don't love as much though. I want to but I can't. :P Lol oh well those last two sentences didn't make sense...= =

Alright. Will this be the longest post I've ever posted? :D

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